Tag Archives: contraction

Never a dull moment! :-)

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We’ve just picked up Salihi from his soccer practice when the following started:

Nana: Salihi does your coach have a son?

Salihi: Yes

Nana: then where is he? because I never see him with his dad then…

Me: why do you want to see him? do you want to marry him? 🙂

Nana: What? NOOOOOOOO!!

Me: tell me so I can go tell him right now that Nana want to marry his son 🙂

Nana: MUMMY!! NO I DON’T WANT TO MARRY HIM OR ANYONE!!!

Me: Ok Nana, no yelling …. so you don’t want to marry at all?

Nana: no

Me: why? why not?

Nana: Because

Me: because what?

Nana: because I only love my family like that

Me: like what?

Nana: it’s complicated besides I don’t want to make or sign any contract

Me: hum! sign a contract? what are you talking about?

Nana: you know, marriage is a whole contract between 2 people.

Me: a contract? what does the contract say?

Nana: that they would love each other for ever and a whole lot of other things that I just don’t want to sign up for

Me: like what? what are some of the other things?

Nana: well lots of things. I figure I just have to adopt and I won’t have to do all the things and contract of marriage.

(At this point my mind is blown! and I’m thinking I’m in trouble!! my little girl is forming some idea of marriage that doesn’t sound so appealing!! I want her to become a strong and independent lady…. but I want her to also see the value of the marriage-unit that forms the family! – I’m in trouble!)

Salihi: Now little girl, just how do you know about all of that?

Nana: I read and observe and I know what I want

Salihi: no you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t

Nana: Yes I do, I know I’ll have to adopt a kid if I don’t want to sign a contract with anyone! so you see I know!

Me: so why don’t you want to sign a contract? even with somebody you love?

Nana: I only love you, daddy, Salihi, and my big family like that.

Me: how about you Salihi, will you get married?

Salihi: I think so. only if I really really like someone, yes I will get married.

Me: will you have kids?

Salihi: Well, on that one I don’t know. I don’t think I can get that responsible for a long time

Me: how responsible?

Salihi: responsible to take care of a kid. I don’t think I will be that responsible for a long time. – And Nana, if you ever get drunk you can also have a baby without adopting one or getting married

(at this point, I’m thinking: where did that came from? hum?!?!)

Nana: how? how do you get a baby when you get drunk?

Salihi: well people do stupid thing when they are drunk

Nana: like?…. oh Salihi you are making me think about how babies are made! and Ewww! I don’t want that! that’s why I said I will adopt. No thank you I’m not getting drunk! disgusting!

Me: Salihi where do you get the drunk idea thing from?

Salihi: from book and talks and shows.

Note to self: this conversation sooo needs to be continued!!!-more importantly needs to get Nana’s conception or views on marriage. am I projecting something that she doesn’t want for herself? it’s a bit of contradiction here especially coming from her; considering that she actually sat me and the dad up one day to tell us that she never want to hear us talk about the D-word because as she put it “when parents divorce it is the kids that pay the price, it’s the kids that are miserable between houses & step-parents & new brothers & sisters…” (was a shock but we found out that 2 of her friends were going thru parents divorces and the kids were talking). So I would expect her to be the one to want a child with a daddy & mommy….. not what I’m learning tonight!

On a positive note: none of them is getting drunk anytime soon and my son already gets it that having kids is a huge responsibility……..:-) – Never a dull moment with these 2.

Heaven & Getting what you pay for …

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It is my conviction that no one can clean your house best except you. Yet I found myself having to use outside-paid-cleaning services with the hope of carving time and energies for other more important things (such as date-with kids, family game times, a 5years-overdue garage cleaning, a playarea reorganization …. etc.) But when I found myself still partaking in the cleaning along the cleaners – because it just had to be done!- there is a kind of frustration & disappointment that arise from the realization that I still can’t get to those more important things that I wanted to spare time and energies for. I was in one of those frustration when I joined this conversation started between the kids and their dad.

The conversation started off by Nana telling Salihi that soon he will be her driver driving her everywhere she wants to go. Salihi to reply no not everywhere. And daddy to join in saying oh yes, you will be driving her and going on all the errands your mommy sends me to do now for her. 🙂 and Salihi to say no I won’t because I’m not her keeper- to which I answered yes, you will always be her big brother, her keeper and protector even after you die, you’ll still be around as an angel to watch over!! 🙂 – Then the conversation changed to the following:

Salihi: I would really like to know what happens after we are dead

Daddy: we go to heaven

Salihi: me, I want to re-incarnate

Me: re-incarnate? Into what?

Salihi: into a human super-power – OR stay a ghost to nicely haunt people! 🙂

Nana: me, I’m scare of dying…

Daddy: you’re not going to die….

Me: what scares you about dying?

Nana: (and this the best I’ve heard so far…) I don’t want to get STUCK in heaven!!!!

We all burst laughing…..

Daddy: what? You want to go check out hell from time to time? – still laughing… 🙂

I guess we haven’t sold her (yet?) on the idea of heaven!!!! – It was strange hearing her put ‘stuck’ & ‘heaven’ in the same sentence!!!!!

Nana: (not laughing-serious face) no, they say when you die you go to heaven forever and I don’t want to get stuck there for EVER! It’s not funny!

Me: Nana, all of us that are born are going to also die. Yes we are all going to die. The most important thing is to live a nice, happy life always doing the right things, helping others, being kind and honest, doing goods and when you die, heaven is not a place you can be stuck in. Can you be stuck in the world?

Nana: no because it is big and you can go places…

Me: Well heaven is bigger…. so you see, you can’t get stuck

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Right in that moment of a conversation that started with a teasing, then turned into a serious little discussion with smiles and laughter, then ended with a reassurance on a fear… I got another confirmation that our-couple life would be pretty stealth and monotone without these 2-little people in it. I found harmony in that thought. A harmony that erased the frustration I was feeling before joining the conversation. Harmony from realizing these are the kind of moments that matter! That are the most important!!!!!!!!! 🙂 These are the moments worth carving out time and energies for. I realize that I was getting what I paid for with the cleaning services, but just failed to see that…. because I was not doing the palpable, countable, or physical things on the list such as cleaning the garage, organizing the playarea…act. Having that non-physical, emotional moment brought that realization home to me. 🙂

Want & Wish Vs. Reality

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Loving someone is different from knowing how to love them.

In other words, as much you love someone, you still might not know how to actually love them. What IS in your heart somehow does not transpire into the happiness you wish to see in reality of that love.  you love them but don’t know how to love them and consequently the result is not happiness as  it should be according to the feelings in your heart, rather frustrations, unhappiness, resentment…. the opposite of what the feeling in your heart ought to produce.

Is that what happen between the teenage-to-young-adult kids and their parents?

Is that what happen to couples? (love each other but can’t live together?)

Who’s fault does it become? more importantly how to remedy this?